Photo by René Ranisch on Unsplash
Deb runs a team. She’s ‘learnt’ that success comes from holding people to account, providing clarity and direction. She knows also that people need space for their own ideas and that a good manager will listen openly.
Deb believes she does all of this really well, resisting contrary feedback.
She resists it because she believes she is too soft. Deep down she knows that she cares about her people but to care is not valued – it’s soft. She over-compensates by being unreasonably demanding with her team.
What we resist persists. Deb is resisting the part that cares. She’s built a protective wall around this way of being so it can’t escape. If she’s too caring it’ll mean that she’s not a good manager. Which is not part of her plan.
Deb clamps her jaw and grinds her teeth. She fists her hands a lot, and if she paid attention she’d notice that her hips and lower back are tight.
Deb doesn’t notice much of what is happening in her body. Which is a shame.
When we resist we contract. Constant resisting, constant contraction. Constant contraction eventually leads to pain.
One of the promises of Somatic Coaching is that it reveals patterns of holding, and often the stories that enabled them over time. It teaches new ways of showing up, and if Deb could accept, even embrace the softer, gentler parts of her, she might find her body begins to relax. She might find other ways of being a ‘strong’ manager, without reducing her team’s sense of worth and value.
Have you ever resisted and to your cost?
